I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
