I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
