Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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