This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Be still, my beating vagina.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
