I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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