Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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