Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
