I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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