I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
