i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
