I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
