Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
