my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
