Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
