I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
