I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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