3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you traded sex for a burrito?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
