It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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