Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
