Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Less talking, more tequila
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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