i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
