Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
