just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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