you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When are your genitals available?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
