She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
