So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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