i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
