i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
