God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
