i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm too high and old for this...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
