I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
