We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
