I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
