you traded sex for a burrito?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is Oprah even human
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
