Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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