I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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