u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
PANTIES FOUND
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