i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
