next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
