I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
