quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
