if you like me you must not know who I am
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
