god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
