Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
