Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
