you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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