Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
