i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
