Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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