please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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