alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize