the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The feeling are messing with the penis
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
